Alone at the Top? Exploring the Solitude of Leaders
By Mylène Grégoire, President and PCC coach of Mymosa &CO Consulting inc.
Nathalie (a fictitious name), an executive of a large corporation, confided to me one morning:
"I’ve had a tough week. I didn’t want to postpone our coaching session, but today, I have a request—I don’t want to talk about leadership or organizational transformation. What I need is your listening ear and your energy. Let’s go for a walk if you don’t mind.”
Taking a walk—a simple gesture, yet profoundly liberating. That day, as we walked side by side, Nathalie dropped her mask of unshakable leader.
The Solitude Behind the Façade
She opened up:
“I feel alone, even though I’m surrounded by a large team. I give so much recognition but rarely receive any in return. I carry the pressure of investors without passing it on to my team to protect them. I strive to always project a strong image, but constantly compensating for the weaknesses of some key players exhausts me. I sometimes feel that subtle vertigo of not fitting in. Between tight deadlines, demanding clients, and a household where I’m still expected to give so much, I sometimes think, What if I sold everything and moved to Hawaii?”
She finished with a smile, a mix of humor and despair:
"Pathetic, isn’t it?”
Gently, I replied: “It’s not pathetic. It’s human.”
The loneliness felt by business leaders is a well-documented phenomenon. According to a study by Bpifrance Le Lab, 45% of SME and ETI managers feel isolated, while 11% declare themselves to be very isolated.
Strong, but Not Infallible
Executives, often perceived as unshakeable pillars, carry an immense weight on their shoulders. Their role requires them to juggle endless responsibilities: guaranteeing company performance, meeting shareholder expectations, and making critical decisions. The pressure intensifies for those who constantly aspire to surpass themselves. Added to this is a profound isolation, with few peers to share their doubts or dilemmas. Under constant pressure, they must maintain an impeccable image in front of their team and external partners, while seeing their personal life often relegated to the background, turning their home into a mere extension of professional demands rather than a haven of peace.
Another client, a vice president of a mid-sized company, shared a poignant image:
“I live in a circus. I feel like I'm always on duty, with no breaks. All day, people ask me, Do you have two minutes? At home, as soon as I drop my bag, I have to deal with the kids' homework. When do I get a moment to breathe?”
Despite common causes, there is not one solitude, but many. Bpifrance Le Lab identifies and details 7 forms of executive loneliness, all with their own sources and therefore their own specific remedies: decision-making loneliness, statutory loneliness, relational loneliness, professional loneliness, situational loneliness, existential loneliness and collective loneliness.
The Needs of Leaders
In the course of the discussions, certain recurring needs of leaders emerged:
Team alignment and accountability: Employees, particularly managers, who embody the company’s priorities as true ambassadors, taking full initiative and responsibility.
Clarity and competence: Employees who can realistically assess their skills, acknowledge their limitations, and demonstrate a genuine willingness to grow and learn.
Collaboration and humility: Teams that break down silos and work together with egos set aside.
Adaptability and autonomy: Employees who can quickly adjust to changes and challenges while independently resolving issues at their level.
Recognition and care: A culture where good news is shared, and leaders are supported rather than burdened with additional stress.
Tangible support: Being well-supported to enjoy a worry-free vacation and return to restful nights of sleep.
These often-unspoken needs reflect a truth: leaders, despite their strong demeanor, require a support network to alleviate their mental load.
A Pervasive Solitude
The loneliness of managers is no myth, and is particularly keenly felt by entrepreneurs. It's an often invisible reality. Isolated at the top, they juggle their own emotions while supporting their teams.
How to Break This Isolation?
Bpifrance Le Lab's research indicates that overcoming this isolation relies above all on a personal approach. This involves accepting to delegate power, surrounding oneself effectively, notably by setting up governance structures, and encouraging a more collaborative management style.
Here are some other solutions:
Speak up and communicate needs: Openly expressing what’s needed can create space for support.
Make time for human connection: Walks, heartfelt conversations, and moments of disconnection help leaders reconnect with what matters most.
Join peer networks: These circles provide a safe space to discuss common challenges without fear of judgment.
Seek mentors or coaches: External support offers a chance to vent, explore solutions, and regain perspective.
A Simple Yet Essential Reminder
During that walk with Nathalie, I gently murmured:
“It’s okay not to be okay.”
She smiled and replied:
“Thank you for reminding me.”
Because at the top, it’s not just about strategic challenges. There are also human hearts beating—sometimes weary, but always determined to keep moving forward.
Mylène Grégoire, president and coach at Mymosa &CO, author, speaker, and founder of the online training programs Brillez au boulot and From Gut to Success.
mymosa.co
SOURCE
https://lelab.bpifrance.fr/Etudes/vaincre-les-solitudes-du-dirigeant